Active is better than passive, except . . . when passive makes more sense.
In general, your writing is more forceful and vigorous when you use the active voice rather than the passive. Notice how changing passive to active improves these sentences:
Passive: A loud banging was heard at the back door. Active: I heard a loud banging at the back door. Passive: The royal elephant was ridden by both of us. Active: Both of us rode the royal elephant. Passive: The official version of events is generally believed by our citizens. Active: Our citizens generally believe the official version of events.
Passive: A loud banging was heard at the back door. Active: I heard a loud banging at the back door.
Passive: The royal elephant was ridden by both of us. Active: Both of us rode the royal elephant.
Passive: The official version of events is generally believed by our citizens. Active: Our citizens generally believe the official version of events.
What if you don't want to identify the doer of the action? You are still better off using the active voice:
Passive: Rocks were thrown at the window. Active: Somebody threw rocks at the window. Passive: All the bread in the store had been bought up. Active: People had bought up all the bread in the store.
Passive: Rocks were thrown at the window. Active: Somebody threw rocks at the window.
Passive: All the bread in the store had been bought up. Active: People had bought up all the bread in the store.
Is passive voice ever better than active? Yes, when the fact that the action was done matters more than who did it:
Passive: The trees were all cut down. (It doesn't matter who cut them.) Active: Paul Bunyan cut down all the trees. (It does matter who cut them.) Passive: She was injured in a car accident. (It doesn't matter whose fault it was.) Active: A drunk driver injured her in a car accident. (It does matter whose fault it was.)
Passive: The trees were all cut down. (It doesn't matter who cut them.)
Active: Paul Bunyan cut down all the trees. (It does matter who cut them.)
Passive: She was injured in a car accident. (It doesn't matter whose fault it was.)
Active: A drunk driver injured her in a car accident. (It does matter whose fault it was.)
What's YOUR biggest problem with teaching writing? We'd like to hear from you.
Pen, pencil or peck-peck-peck (keyboard)? Should a student write with a pen or with a pencil? Or use the computer? My own instinct is to use whatever method is easiest and works best at the present stage of the student's physical development. Keyboarding is not sacred if the student does better with a pencil, and vice versa. There are advantages and disadvantages with each method.
The pencil:
Advantages: Readily available. Work can be erased. Even better, work can still be read after it's crossed out, in case the writer wants to go back to the original version. Makes the writing look like a work in progress, which it is (until you get to the "final final" copy). Disadvantages: Not always sharp. Point can break at the wrong moment. Brand-new long pencil can be difficult for younger students to handle.
Advantages: Readily available. Work can be erased. Even better, work can still be read after it's crossed out, in case the writer wants to go back to the original version. Makes the writing look like a work in progress, which it is (until you get to the "final final" copy).
Disadvantages: Not always sharp. Point can break at the wrong moment. Brand-new long pencil can be difficult for younger students to handle.
The pen:
Advantages: Readily available. Work generally looks neater and easier to read than pencil. Work can still be read after it's crossed out, in case the writer wants to go back to the original version. Disadvantages: Can run dry at the wrong moment. Can get blobby. Can't be erased, although that isn't important in a draft; just cross it out.
Advantages: Readily available. Work generally looks neater and easier to read than pencil. Work can still be read after it's crossed out, in case the writer wants to go back to the original version.
Disadvantages: Can run dry at the wrong moment. Can get blobby. Can't be erased, although that isn't important in a draft; just cross it out.
The computer:
Advantages: Often readily available. Work is easy to change. Keyboard is easier for some students to use than pen or pencil. Disadvantages: Not readily available if somebody else is using it. Once something is deleted, it's gone, so it's harder for the writer to go back to a previous version. All work can be lost if it isn't backed up. Handwriting skills may be neglected.
Advantages: Often readily available. Work is easy to change. Keyboard is easier for some students to use than pen or pencil.
Disadvantages: Not readily available if somebody else is using it. Once something is deleted, it's gone, so it's harder for the writer to go back to a previous version. All work can be lost if it isn't backed up. Handwriting skills may be neglected.
What's a comma splice and what's wrong with it? I used to watch my father, years ago, take a broken tape from our reel-to-reel tape recorder and use clear tape to splice the ends together. In a comma splice, the writer uses a comma to splice two sentences together. While the splice worked on our old tape recorder, it doesn't work in writing.
Examples of comma splices (all incorrect):
Of course I got lost, I've never been this way before. He opened the door slowly, he felt that danger waited on the other side. Tell me that story again, I forget how it ends. How are they supposed to know the rules, they can't read.
In each example you see a complete sentence on each side of the comma. In English we can't do that. Sorry. We have to (1) make them into two separate sentences or (2) join them with a conjunction (such as and, or, but, because) or (3) use other punctuation.
Here are some ways to fix the above comma splices:
Of course I got lost! I've never been this way before. He opened the door slowly, because he felt that danger waited on the other side. Tell me that story again. I forget how it ends. How are they supposed to know the rules? They can't read.
The writer who uses comma splices is on target in several ways. First, the thoughts of the two sentences are connected. A writer almost never uses a comma splice to join unrelated sentences. Second, there is a natural pause between the two ideas. The writer instinctively feels that something should come between the two sentences.
Commas are useful, but you can't use them to splice two sentences together. Don't worry; English gives you a lot of other ways to do that.
What is a run-on sentence and how do I fix it? A run-on sentence is actually two independent sentences stuck together without the correct punctuation or linking words.
If you can take a knife and cut your sentence into two independent clauses, you have a run-on sentence. Notice how you can neatly divide the sentence above:
Let those two independent clauses be what they are: two separate sentences. Add the correct punctuation and capitalize the second sentence:
If you want to keep a run-on sentence whole, you can add a comma and conjunction to make half of it into a dependent clause:
You can also put a semicolon between the two parts of a run-on sentence. That won't work in our example above because the first part needs a question mark. Here is an example in which the semicolon works:
You can also fix that sentence with a comma and a conjunction:
You cannot fix a run-on sentence by sticking a comma between its two halves:
If you try, all you will do is turn a run-on sentence (wrong) into a comma splice (also wrong).
How do you punctuate a series? Authorities are divided on whether to put a comma after the next-to-last item in a series. One of our publishers, InterVarsity Press, insists on no comma:
Personally I like a comma:
So I leave out the comma when I write for IVP and put in the comma when I write for myself. I am prudent, diplomatic, and inconsistent.
What's a series? And do I have to win a pennant to get into one? To get into a series, list three or more things in a sentence, all with the same part of speech:
Right: The editor said that my writing is disorganized, boring, and hard to read.
Disorganized, boring, and hard to read all serve as adjectives to define "my writing."
A common mistake is to combine parts of speech in a series. A very common mistake is to keep all the items consistent except for the final one, which goes off in a different direction.
Wrong: The editor said that my writing is disorganized, boring, and she can hardly read it.
If you want to keep the phrase "and she can hardly read it," forget about a series. Separate the first two items with "and." Make the third item into a separate sentence.
Right: The editor said that my writing is disorganized and boring. She also said she can hardly read it.
"Having fallen down the stairs, the ambulance took me to the emergency room." Why does that sound funny, and how do I fix it? That strange-sounding sentence begins with a dangling participle.
"Having fallen down the stairs" is a participial phrase. When a participial phrase begins a sentence, it must modify the subject of the sentence. Otherwise it is left dangling. To fix a dangling participle, you can change the subject of the sentence.
Did the ambulance fall down the stairs? Of course not. I fell down the stairs. "I" must become the subject of the sentence.
If you don't want to change the subject of the sentence, try moving the participial phrase to another position in the sentence.
Were the birdwatchers flying in V formation? Of course not. But if you want to keep "birdwatchers" as the subject, you can rearrange the sentence:
Dangling participles are always good for a laugh. However, if your aim is to communicate rather than to amuse, avoid dangling participles. Otherwise this could happen:
Laughing at the dangling participles, the reader completely missed the writer's meaning.
What's the difference between it's and its? The word it's has one meaning, and one meaning only.
The word it's, with an apostrophe, is never, ever possessive. Examples (ALL WRONG):
Why do we want to stick an apostrophe on "its" to make it possessive? I think it's (it is) because we think "possessive must have an apostrophe." Ordinarily yes, but not on pronouns. "It" is a pronoun. The possessive form of the pronoun "it" just happens to end in S, but the others don't. Let the other pronouns be your guide:
How can I avoid apostrophe embarrassment? You can save yourself from a common apostrophe goof if you just remember this: You never, never, NEVER make a word plural by sticking an "apostrophe-S" onto it. This error is all over the place. Examples (ALL THESE ARE WRONG):
I think this error is common because we are so accustomed to seeing possessive nouns which correctly end in "apostrophe-S" -- the tire's treads, the tuxedo's collar, the millionaire's mansion. So any time we end a plural noun with S, we have an irrepressible urge to stick an apostrophe in front of it, like sticking a cherry on top of a sundae. Resist the urge.
You could probably go out today and find fifty examples of this mistake on people's doors and mailboxes. (ALL THESE ARE WRONG)
The Smith's what? The Smith's door? The Smith's house? (Even if it was possessive, it should be Smiths'.)
Since most of you have gone out to edit the signs on your mailboxes, I'll wait until next week to give another tip on avoiding apostrophe embarrassment.
What is an incomplete sentence? (Part 2) As we said in the previous writing tip, an incomplete sentence is usually a subject in search of a verb, or a verb in search of a subject. The writer may have trouble recognizing an incomplete sentence because it feels like a complete thought.
Here are three examples of a verb in search of a subject:
· Hunted high and low for her glasses. · Intend to never go back there as long as I live. · Parachuted onto Saturn's icy desolate moon Titan.
In each case we have an action but nobody who does the action. To provide a subject, ask "Who? or What?" and then say the incomplete sentence aloud. Here are some possible answers:
· The band director hunted high and low for her glasses. · I, Harold Smythe, first person to explore the Blogun Islands, intend to never go back there as long as I live. · The Huygens space probe parachuted onto Saturn's icy desolate moon Titan.
For examples of a subject in search of a verb, please see the writing tip just below.
What is an incomplete sentence? (Part 1) An incomplete sentence is usually one of two things: a subject in search of a verb, or a verb in search of a subject. The writer may have trouble recognizing an incomplete sentence because to the writer it feels like a complete thought.
Here are three examples of a subject in search of a verb:
· Last year's Fourth of July celebration just before the county fair. · The long line of mysterious tracks in the snow. · A gathering of the greatest athletes of our time.
Each of those sounds like a complete thought, but in each case we have a "doer" with nothing to do.
To provide a verb, say the incomplete sentence aloud and then ask, ". . . did what? Or was what?" (You can also use present and future tense: "Does what? Is what? Will do what? Will be what?") The answer will supply not only the verb but the entire predicate for the sentence.
Here are possible predicates for our needy subjects:
· Last year's Fourth of July celebration was just before the county fair. · The long line of mysterious tracks in the snow ended at the creek. · A gathering of the greatest athletes of our time happened in Chicago yesterday.
Sometimes what looks like a needy subject is actually a needy object. It is not doing anything, but the writer still wants to say something about it. Then the writer must supply both subject and verb:
· I will never forget last year's Fourth of July celebration just before the county fair. · As quietly as possible, she followed the long line of mysterious tracks in the snow. · The Olympic games are a gathering of the greatest athletes of our time.
What if the student writes everything in one endless paragraph? Let's say the student writes a three-page paper on "How To Catch Panfish," all one paragraph. You could have him recopy it and indent every ten lines, but that won't teach him what a paragraph is supposed to do. [See "How do I know when to start a new paragraph?" below.] When you tell him to begin a new paragraph when he introduces a new topic, he says, "I've only got one topic -- how to catch panfish."
The student needs guidance to locate the sub-topics within his main topic. Try this: In a contrasting color ink, have the student circle what seem to be the most important words or phrases in the paper, then group them into general ideas.
In a paper about "How To Catch Panfish" the student might circle "bait," "early morning," "rod," "hook," "red worms," "weeds," "bluegill," "sundown," "snags," "sunfish," and "line."
The student could sort the circled words into four general ideas: "best panfish to go after," "bait and tackle," "good times to fish," and "typical problems."
The student has now located four solid sub-topics for four good paragraphs. If one of the sub-topics does not have enough material for a paragraph, he can either discard it or develop it further.
If the student has instinctively organized his paper as he wrote it, all he has to do is separate the paragraphs and indent them. If his four sub-topics are scattered throughout the paper, he will need to re-organize what he has written.
How do I know when to start a new paragraph? You should begin a new paragraph when you introduce a new idea. A paragraph should have one central idea and should answer one question. A well-constructed paragraph has a topic sentence in which the writer states the main idea of the paragraph. The rest of the paragraph expands on that idea, filling in more details. The topic sentence can come at the beginning of the paragraph, where it serves to introduce the topic; or it can come at the end, where it serves to sum up the writer's thoughts. It can even come halfway through the paragraph, where it serves to focus the reader's attention before the writer goes on with more details.
How do you fix a clumsy sentence and give it a natural flow? Try the three-step sentence fix! (1) Make your subject more specific. (2) Give the sentence a harder-working, more active verb. (3) Don't be afraid to shake your sentence loose and re-arrange the words.
Let's try our three-step fix on this clumsy sentence: "Spending more time outdoors, doing better in school, and paying more attention to international news are my resolutions for the New Year."
First, what's the subject? It's the list which makes up the first 15 words of the sentence! Let's make the subject more specific and personal. Who is going to do all those admirable things? I am! So let "I" be the subject of the sentence. Second, what's the verb? "Are" -- nice and short, but weak. Come on, what action am "I" taking? I am making resolutions, but let's say it even more concisely: "I resolve." Third, let's untie that sentence from its awkward order and start it at the opposite end. Result: "For the New Year I resolve to spend more time outdoors, do better in school, and pay more attention to international news."
If you have an awkward, sluggish, wordy sentence that feels heavy and bogged down, try the three-step fix: more specific subject, more active verb, new order of words.
What if the student is overly intimidated by grammar, punctuation and spelling -- so scared of making mistakes that he or she will hardly write at all? You could say "Those things don't matter," but they do matter. You can help the student loosen up if you treat technicalities as a separate skill from creativity and expressiveness in writing. Mark or grade technical points apart from the writing assignment; for example, put a clear overhead transparency over the student's work and mark errors on that, to be discussed separately.
Keep a running list of the student's mistakes, and over time it will show you the difference between chronic problems which need work and occasional slip-ups which you can overlook. We provide reproducible charts in Igniting Your Writing! and Igniting Your Writing II.
Do you feel insecure about grading technical points in writing? Find help at Guide to Grammar and Writing. Sponsored by the Capital Community College Foundation, Hartford, Connecticut.
How do you get students to see that they need to rewrite? They want to write the assignment once and say it's good enough.
Idea: Rather than hand the work back with a general instruction to "rewrite this," make it manageable. Read through the student's work and decide on one or two aspects which feel especially weak. Make a SPECIFIC assignment for the student to rewrite the piece (or part of it) to improve ONLY those areas. Examples of flaws to focus on: